


Hope

by ithilien22



Category: As the World Turns
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-10-31
Updated: 2007-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-21 04:46:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/895956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ithilien22/pseuds/ithilien22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the accident, Luke tries to adjust.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hope

The first thing he thinks, when the mind-numbing horror has begun to fade, is that it just figures that he would die a virgin. It’s like the perfect punchline to the colossal joke that has been his life up to this point. He almost wants to laugh as he listens to Holden tell him that they’ll make the best of it, as if there is this elusive silver lining that he’s just not seeing. Later, when everyone has left and he’s struggling to fall asleep in the chilly, impersonal hospital room, it finally hits him that the reason that he can’t get comfortable is because he can’t _move_ and he completely loses it. He hasn’t really cried like that in years and it only makes him that much more frustrated.

When Noah finally makes an appearance, he feels ten times worse and ten times better all at the same time and it almost makes his stomach hurt (except, of course, that it doesn’t). He thinks he makes himself pretty clear but then all of a sudden Noah has decided to commit and he doesn’t have the guts to look too hard at his motives. (And he’s too busy feeling sorry for himself to properly read the look in Noah’s eyes when he tells him to just _try_ ). In his dreams, he’s the best man at Maddie and Noah’s wedding and everyone in the audience is smirking at him in triumph. When the minister asks for any objections his throat just closes up. He wakes up gasping for breath.

Back at the farm it’s better, except for the fact that his parents are splitting up, _again_. His physical therapist is way too glass-half-full for his taste and even though he really _tries_ (as promised), he always manages to come out of their sessions feeling worse than before. Noah, true to his word, is still around. But for all his good intentions the lustful stares are not exactly helping matters. When they kiss, he can feel Noah’s frustration brimming just below the surface and he wants to scream from the irony of it all. Once, he tries to go for the button on Noah’s jeans, but Noah pulls him away. He wonders if Noah considers himself noble and he’s suddenly hit with the irrational urge to punch him in the face.

Sometimes, when he’s by himself (which is a rarity these days), he takes off his shoes and really focuses on his big toe, like if he stares at it hard enough, maybe it will move. One day, Lily walks in on him doing this and he feels as if he’s just been caught jerking off to gay porn in the living room. To mask his embarrassment, he blows up at her over something completely banal. It isn’t until much later that the guilt settles in, but he still doesn’t apologize. By the end of the month, he begins to wonder why anyone is still talking to him. He decides that Noah has much more patience than any one person should be allowed to have. He often wonders how someone like Colonel Mayer managed to raise such an amazing son.

One day, like breaking free from years of captivity, something finally changes. It’s not huge, but when he accidently rams his shin into the coffee table it _hurts_. The doctor will only admit that it’s a ‘good sign’ and his physical therapist tells him not to get ahead of himself, but nothing can stop the pure joy that bubbles up inside of him. He actually laughs when he tells Noah and the smile he is rewarded with is blinding. That night Noah doesn’t push him away. And yes, it’s awkward and it’s scary and Noah still hesitates somewhere in the middle, but even so, it’s kind of perfect. When Luke wakes up in the morning he can _feel_ Noah’s heel on the inside of his calf and he almost starts to cry. And when Noah, still half-asleep, rolls over and kisses him (morning breath and all), he finally remembers what it is to have hope.


End file.
